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This blog is a very serious one, it’s something that’s going to make a lot of you guys feel very uncomfortable. It’s going to force you to dig deep down and answer some of these questions that you’ve been avoiding for a very long time.
As the title says, if you’ve been doing pickup for more than three months, and you’re not seeing significant results, measurable results, a change in the trajectory of when you started, you’re doing something very wrong. You’re doing something fundamentally wrong. If you keep this up, you’re never going to get good because three months is going to be a year, it’s going to be five years and going to be ten years. Before you know it, you’re going to quit picking up altogether.
95% of people who watch pickup videos on YouTube, I’m not making this thing up, but 95% of guys who watch videos on YouTube regarding pickup will never reach their pickup goals. That’s a statistical fact. I had 80,000 subscribers before my channel was wiped, so 75,000 people who subscribed to my channel will never reach their pickup goals. That’s just the sad reality. So hopefully after reading this blog, you’re going to get your things together and figure out some of the big errors that you’re making, so that you can actually start seeing a noticeable trend in your pickup development journey.
When it comes to learning a new skill, whether it’s in the pickup or anything in life, the learning curve is always the steepest at the beginning, you’re always going to learn more when you’re starting something new. For example, if you’re doing cardio, your heart rate will improve significantly every single week. When I started cycling, I reach personal records every single week. When I climbed the hill, it was faster every single week for the first four months. If you’re starting to play the piano versus you never touched the piano, you’re going to be 1,000 times better by three months because you couldn’t even play the single note on your first day.
When you start from an approach count of zero and you actually do this stuff, you should be many times better by the third month. Why is it so many people have been watching pickup videos for four+ years? I get guys who’ve been following me since 2011 and they still suck at pickup. Some of my students have been into pickup longer than when I started. That’s more than a decade. If you’ve been trying to get better at pickup for two years, and you’re just watching YouTube videos, it’s not just going to magically fix itself. If you have 30% body fat and you’ve been dieting for three years, you’re not just going to magically get to 8% body fat on your fourth year. It just doesn’t happen. You have to look deep down and ask yourself what are some major mistakes you’re doing that are fundamentally wrong.
What are some key areas that you’re completely neglecting? I’m going to talk about that in this blog. Have you ever noticed why some people get into pickup and take off within a month and others are just in a perpetual state newbiness. It happens all the time. Pickup is not dictated by how long you’re in it. There are guys who take one bootcamp and can be better than somebody who’s been working on game for five years. It’s not fair, but that’s just the way it is. There are a lot of my subscribers watching my YouTube videos for so many years, and it shouldn’t take that long. If you’re doing it right, it should not take that long. I went from a complete noob with severe approach anxiety to not knowing a single person at a club to be good enough to charge money.
I was a complete noob at beginning of 2011. Have you seen my first bootcamp video? From coaching in 2013 to quitting my job moving to Vegas, and having the balls to teach and make money in two years. I would say two years is a decent amount of time but it goes quick. A lot of people have been watching pickup videos for longer than two years. They’re nowhere near the level that they want to be, let alone coaching and charging money. So, I want to give you guys some of my thoughts on the biggest reasons why people aren’t getting there.
Even though it shouldn’t be that hard, the reason I can talk about this is that I was in a very similar situation. I got exposed to pickup when I was 23. And from 23 to 28, I made zero progress. That was five years of my life wasted, even though I was watching pickup videos. I think within these five years, I didn’t even do more than 30 approaches.
Then magically, when I was 28, I did 2,000 approaches. Why? How is it in five years, I couldn’t even do 30 approaches, and then all of a sudden I did that many approaches in one year. What made that change? Now a lot of people, they just think, “You’re a buff steroided Asian guy”. Well, no! I started bodybuilding when I was 23. By the time I was 28, I’ve already been lifting for five years, I didn’t take steroids till I was 33 and I was already coaching for three years before that. Everything before that was completely natural. I’ll give you that I have some height, that certainly helped, but that doesn’t explain such a big contrast between age 23 – 28 (newb) and 28 – 30 (coach level). Another thing I would hear is people will say “Oh, he lives in Vegas, it’s so easy there.” I didn’t go to Vegas, because it was easy. I went to Vegas to teach because all the clubs are open seven days a week. Where did I actually learn to pick up? In California. I had to drive 70 miles to the club. So Vegas wasn’t even a thing until I had gotten to a skill level where I was confident enough to teach.
Now I have a Facebook group and I read every single comment posted on YouTube. The reason most people don’t get good is that they don’t ask the most important fundamental questions. They asked stupid questions that don’t really matter and don’t really change anything in the grand scheme of things.
I’ll get students posting, “Hey, I’m inviting a girl to date, should I take her to Jamba Juice? Or Starbucks?” It doesn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things. Does it really matter? Do you think your game or your progress over the next two years is predicated on Jamba Juice or Starbucks? I’ll get students asking “What should I do? How long do I wait to text her back?” Do you think that answers the fundamental reason why you’re not good at pick up? “How long to text this one girl?”
Most guys are looking at such a short timeframe… such a micro point of view. They forget the big picture, the broad scale. The overall high-level stuff needs to be implemented first. The beginner students will ask questions like, “Should I get Bumble or Hinge?” Do you think that’s the reason why you’re not getting results on pickup? Do you think those are the big questions in life? No, they’re not the biggest questions.
After reading all the comments and answering all the Facebook questions, 99.9% of questions will have zero impact on whether or not you’re going to make it or get substantial results on pickup. They’re not going to matter. People are asking the wrong questions and out of priority. When you’re first starting, there are maybe four or five fundamental questions you need to ask yourself. If you are not answering these questions or not finding the solutions to these, you are pretty much guaranteeing yourself to fail. I’m going to go through these four or five questions.
#1. Who are you hanging out with? If you’re hanging out with your mom and dad, if you’re hanging out with your overbearing tiger parents, if you’re hanging out with a bunch of nerdy, introverted software engineer buddies who never go out, if you’re hanging out with your buddies who always go out and get stoned and just drinks and your friends don’t approach, you’re doomed. The chances of you getting better by yourself with no positive influence is less than 5%.
Those of you guys with parents who are overly controlling, you’re out of luck. I’ve had this Indian student who lives with his parents. He lives with his dad in the same room. It’s not just he’s sharing the same house with his dad, he’s literally sharing the same room with two beds. One bed is for him, one bed is his dad. He’s not going to get good at pickup. He’s basically the guy you imagine having an old school Indian parent. I’m talking to him once a week on Skype coaching but he is exposed to his parents with their backward beliefs for the rest of the week (167 hours). This is basically reversing all of my coaching.
This guy was asking me how to close girls behind a bush in Central Park. He is trying to optimize a bad situation rather than fixing the problem altogether which is essentially moving out and getting his own place away from his dad.
If you go out with your buddies and none of them approach, you’re doomed. You have a better shot of going out by yourself than going out with guys who don’t approach. For five years I didn’t know a single person that does mass approach. I didn’t have a mentor. But I found that one guy and made all the difference. All you need is one person. You don’t need 50 people, you don’t need 10 wings. You need one solid guy to take a break and make a positive influence. If you’re starting out, you better find that one guy who can approach 15 girls for one night.
#2. Where do you live? If you live in Fort McMurray, Alberta, or if you live in Wayne, Nebraska, you’re out of luck. There’s just no way around that. Pickup requires you to iterate. It requires you to go to places where there are a lot of people. If you live in a city that has less than half a million people, your chances of getting good at pickup are infinitesimally small. You should ask yourself, “How do I get out of the city?”. If you’re living in a city, you better be making over 200 grand so you can invest, and get out of there as soon as possible.
If you have a job that’s less than 70k a year, you better start looking for new jobs, or your pickup career is never going to take off. You’re going to be stuck there forever. I’ve had a Skype coaching student that lives way out in the middle of nowhere, and it’s like I’m beating my head against the wall because what are you going to do? Open polar bears? Do you go to the same club with 20 people?
You need to ask yourself, “Does this have ideally over a million people?”, and if not, you better get out. It is a no brainer. If you read Guns, Germs, and Steel, humans are impacted by their location, and geography matters a lot. There’s a reason why I teach bootcamps and pickup in Vegas. It’s not because girls are party types, it’s not because girls are easy, but because there’s a volume for practice. Bootcamps are run in Vegas because they have volume for practice.
Not every girl in Vegas is a party type. Your job in the first two years of pickup is not to find a girl. I don’t care if you find your dream wife. Your job isn’t to find the one, but your job is to get better. Your job is to be able to handle different scenarios. Your job is to meet different types of girls so you know what you even like. Your job is to expose yourself and diversify your experiences. That’s why I run bootcamps in Vegas. It’s not because there’s alcohol, and not because girls are slutty, but it’s because there is enough volume to practice seven days a week so you can learn from your mistakes. I don’t care about what type of girls you’re meeting because you’re back in your hometown after the bootcamp
Do you see people in Africa winning Olympic gold medals in snowboarding? No, you don’t. Why not? Because it’s hot in Africa and there aren’t ski resorts. The same goes for pickup. In pickup, if there are no girls for you to practice on, if your town is so small that you’re worried about social obligations and everybody chit-chatting with each other, and if you live in a city, less than a million people, move and get out. Otherwise, you’re going to be some guys who are trying to fish in a dead valley.
Before I move on to the next topic, let’s just do some math real quick. In a city of a million people:
50% are females (500,000)
10% are in the right age group 21-25 (50,000)
10% of those are attractive (5,000)
It narrows down very quickly, rapidly. This is why I recommend at least a million people.
#3. Do you have good approach habits? How consistent are you? If you’re not doing 40 to 50 approaches a week, chances are you’re not going to get good at pickup. It’s just not going to happen. That’s how much I did doing full time as an engineer. I worked 40-45 hours as an engineer. I went to the gym, five hours a week, I volunteered for another dating company for 15 to 20 hours a week. So that’s like 65-70 hour workload. I slept in my car during lunch and I still went out every single weekend. That is 50 weeks in a row per year for the first two years. When it comes to approaching and going out, it has to be deliberate. You need to carve out time slots in your week, as if you’re training for the Olympics or as if you’re going to work.
I heard this thing so many times where students say, “Oh, I like the idea of day game. I can just go to Walmart and I can do an approach while I’m doing an errand.” What kind of idea is that? That’s like LeBron James saying, – You know what, I’m not going to go to the Staples Center or the NBA basketball training facility and train eight hours a day getting ready for the NBA Finals. That would be him saying: “Well, you know, I like the idea when I go to Albertsons every other day, I like to stop at the park on the way and play 15 minutes of pickup basketball because it’s so convenient. I’m integrating this part of my daily life.” If that were the case, he wouldn’t make it to the NBA Finals.
Reality check. Those people that talk about doing pickup while running errands, they’re retarded. You will never get good trying to do pickup while running errands. First of all, who has time to run errands? How often do you run errands, realistically? I get all my stuff from Amazon Prime. Like, are you going to run errands twice a day? Do you have that much free time? No! You will not get good at pickup until you make pickup a priority. You cannot try to just integrate it as part of your normal day-to-day life. It doesn’t work like that.
People who got good at anything in life at a competitive level carve out specific times on their calendars ahead of time. They show up at the dedicated training facility. In your case, it’s either a high population density venue. In the daytime, it’s at the mall. At night time it’s at bars, clubs, and lounges. You go to your training facility, and you do four hours of pickup.
Think about it. For most people, it takes three, four, or five approaches to warm up. How long is your errand? Why not carve out four hours of dedicated time frame to crank out of 20 approaches. If it takes you two hours to warm up, you don’t even get into the real interactions till hour 3 and 4.
All these people that are trying to do errand pickup, are you kidding me? It takes them like an hour to warm up and then by the time they’re warmed up, they’re done with their errands. You’re never outside of your warm-up phase. Imagine you go to the gym and every time you hit the weights, you’re perpetually in your warm-up phase. How are you going to get stronger? Again, dedicate 4 hour time chunks specifically for the goal of doing pickup.
#4. Are you reviewing your infields? People are generally good at seeing other people’s blind spots but they’re terrible at observing their own blind spots objectively. If you’re not recording your sets, you’re doomed. Here’s why. When you’re new, and you’re doing a pickup, your brain is not optimized. Your brain is so busy dealing with approach anxiety, your brain is so busy coming up with the next thing to say, your brain is so worried about what the girls think of you, social pressures, all the stuff that’s just going on in your head. It messes up with your memory.
I’ve taught over 900 students. Most of the students cannot remember more than 20% that happens immediately after an interaction. A lot of times, I’ll be listening to them on my headphones (wireless transmitter). After they finish, I will ask them questions like: “Why did you do this, why did you do that” and they will forget about everything. If you’re not reviewing your footage and your audio, you’re going to make the same mistakes. That’s even worse. Making the same mistakes over and over again and not autocorrecting will just reinforcing bad behaviors.
That’s it for this blog. Always remember the 4 questions that will help you to get significant results.
- Who do you hangout with?
- Where do you live?
- Do you have good approach habits?
- Are you recording and reviewing your infields?